There are certain times I miss living in Utah more than others. This week is the toughest of them all, and it has little to do with turkey, stuffing, or pumpkin pie.
It's Rivalry Week.
Cougars vs. Utes. Blue vs. Red. Team Down South vs. Team Up North. Good vs. Evil. BYU vs. Utah.
In a perfect world, all I'd have to say next is "let the smack talk games begin" and off we'd go, but I'm no longer competent in that area. Apparently there are disadvantages to distancing one's self from Ute fans. (Burn.)
I can offer up the standard "Why doesn't the University of Utah place a nativity scene on campus during the holidays?" type jokes, but those belong with my high school diploma - stuffed away in a storage box. We all deserve better.
Bringing religion into the discussion is tired and lame too (unless you're a Ute fan). See? Is it part of what makes our rivalry great? Absolutely. But does either side want to rehash the false gospel of Austin over and over? I hope not. We all know Pres. Monson was a Utah Man in his heyday, and no self-respecting Rise and Shouter would ever describe their school as "the Lord's University," so let's file that line of thought away with the diploma.
What I'm hoping for is some creative, solid, concrete, get-my-competitive-juices-flowing, bulletin-board material from my audience. Got a haiku about how Jordan Wynn must lose? Let's hear it. Photoshop mockery of Max Hall and Dennis Pitta? I wanna see it. Stats and facts about K-Whitt and Bronco? Bring it on. Legendary quotes? Actually, I can start that one out with my all-time favorite.
"Typical Utah bull (expletive). All those (Utes) think that's all there is to life. But when I'm making $50,000- $60,000 a year, they'll be pumping my gas. They're low-class losers." -Lenny Gregory aka Lenny Gomes, 1994
Nothing would make me prouder this week than to sit down the Thanksgiving table and pronounce "I'm thankful for smack talk because I'm more excited about Saturday's game because of it."
------
1. There are certain advantages that come with living in Yuma. My commute to finding shorts-approved temperatures, GREEN grass and open tee times in November is roughly 5 minutes.
When I figure out what the other advantages are, I'll be sure to let you know about them too.
2. For those who don't know the difference between smack talk and trash talk, Kelly Kapoor is here to help.
3. The answer to nativity joke: because the aren't three wise men and a virgin at the U.
Sweet post Rob.
ReplyDeleteI just sold my ticket to the game for 80 bucks. That's all I got to say.
I like to talk a little smack/trash during rivalry week.
ReplyDeleteQ: What's the difference between a University of Utah fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
(Ouch!)
Q: How many University of Utah fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
(Zing!)
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Utah campus?
A: A visitor.
(Whoa!)
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Utah's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
(Oh, the insanity!)
Can't wait to destroy the U.
An excellent foundation to start the week off. As always, you are the/a King.
ReplyDeleteThose Uties are always making fun of the Cougar Fight Song, but at least it doesn't sound like the Mickey Mouse theme song! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!
ReplyDeleteThat last post was thanks to Kyle, I don't agree with any of it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the clarification Linds. You can disagree all you want, but Kyle's right.
ReplyDeleteLet's give U fans a pass though for not liking our fight song. I don't like songs that use tricky words either, and I doubt many Utes know what fame, glory, vanquish and alma mater mean.
Rob,
ReplyDeleteI'm not very impressed with the comments so far. I really hope you don't see me as a "bottom-feeding, scum sucker.” I know I’ve never said anything so derogatory about anyone, let alone a BYU fan. While I barely remember the quote from Lenny Gomes, I consider that irrelevant to this weekend’s game. I like to look at the facts. Both teams are 9-2 (6-1 in conference), both teams are ranked very similar in all the polls, and both teams currently want some revenge against TCU. I personally am very excited for the game this weekend, it seems like an ideal situation for the Utes. I like the fact that Utah is playing BYU in Provo because it ensures we don’t have any unneeded advantage, since Utah is undefeated at home this season and BYU has lost 2 at home. I also think it would be very unproductive to point out that Utah has won its last 6 out of 8 games in Provo (10 out of the last 16 games regardless of location). I also don’t want to get into too many stats about who has the best QB or the best running game since Unga and Wide have nearly identical stats and Max Hall has been intercepted 14 times while the whole Utah team has only been intercepted 7 times. Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t give Max Hall the credit he deserves since he’s an exceptional QB. Not only has he passed Ty Detmer and claimed the record for the most wins by a QB at BYU, but he has also claimed the record of playing in the Las Vegas Bowl more than any other BYU QB (Even if he hasn’t won them all). So what if BYU football is 3-25 against ranked opponents, Utah is barely ranked at all (not anything like last year). BYU is a good team and I’m proud to share the Mountain West conference with them regardless of how this Saturday’s game turns out. So in summary, I think we’ve got two very good teams who are going to show up and hopefully play with every ounce of intensity they have.
P.S. Did you see what I did there?
Yes. I, Do. And I Iove you for it Moff dog, or is it Muss dog?
ReplyDeleteFinal score prediction: BYU 24, Team that shall not be named 22
...... Let's get ready to rumble!