Have a good life

When I told family and friends we were going to spend a week in St. Louis for the holidays, the common reaction was "What are you going to do out there?"

What were we going to do? What weren't we going to do.

(The reporter in me wishes to make something clear. Katie's parents don't actually live in St. Louis. In fact, they don't even live in Missouri. They're in the city of O'Fallon, Illinois, a short drive across the river from St. Louis. So since no one's heard of O'Fallon, and if you say you live in Illinois everyone thinks you live in Chicago or some suburb of Chicago, they say they're from St. Louis. There. I said it. Go ahead Jorgys. Hate on me.)

Let's start with the big-ticket attractions.

Ted Drewes Frozen Custard. Kind of a big deal, or so my T-shirt says it is. I used to live in a city that touted its fair share of Historic Route 66 stops, but Kingman had nothing this yummy (or cold). I'll bet these taste even better when the temperature outside is higher than the temperature the custard is served at.

True test of a good concrete.

If you want to party like an animal on New Year's Eve, it's best to learn from the pros on New Year's Eve day at the St. Louis Zoo.

Okay, they're not Big Horned Sheep, but it was still fun to watch a little tussle.

Someone said he took the elevator up there. My question is how did he press the button for Level 2?

Ever wonder where your old Christmas tree goes? Now you know.

Yes. Go back. Look again. There is an animal in this picture.

Beware of the Brown Brooklyn. Always looking for a good meal.

We took at trip to Fort Scott Air Force Base for my first commissary shopping experience and a couple games of bowling, where I chocked away a chance to throw the high score and earned the nickname "8th Frame No Game" Weiler.

Can you tell what's wrong with this picture? (Hint: She's mimicking her husband)

Not impressed? Not my problem. If you can't get down with the Midwest madness, I feel sorry for you. But of course, a holiday vacation is not about where you are but who you're with. While my relationship with the Jorgensens has changed since my last visit to St. Louis (from some guy named "Rob" to a sufficiently acceptable son in-law), the goal of the trip stayed the same: keep a low profile.

Piece. of. Fruitcake.

First line of defense: Grand kids. Thank goodness for the little ones. Nonstop entertainment.

Brooklyn's trademark expression. Wonder where she gets it from

Brooklyn has learned to say my name a little too well. I have myself to blame. Guess who lets her drink out of the big kid cups.

Second line of defense: Grand kids waiting in the womb.

Wanna relax at home? No problem. Hang around the preggers. They're not going anywhere for too long.

Third line of defense: Singles

I picked on Heidi last time. Made her think we were all uberinterested and totally infatuated with her dance recital. Sucker.

This time around, Teri was even easier to lead into the spotlight. She had her first endowment session at the temple, followed by a surprise visit and engagement proposal from Dave the next day, followed by wedding dress hunting later that week.

Fourth line of defense: Tradition!!!!!!!

Whether or not my in-laws have their entire family home for the holidays or not, I get the feeling that Neil and Deor aren't ever at a loss for visitors. I forgot to take a picture of the "Welcome to O'Fallon: Home of the Jorgensen Christmas village and flocked trees display room" sign downtown. But trust me, it's a featured stop on the tour bus route, and everyone lines up to see it.

Snow White Way

Disney Drive

Bug's Life Lane

Star Wars Street

Cardinals Circle

Christmas Eve is all about the Christmas story re-enactment which includes "Lo" the angel, who plays a much larger role in their nativity than the one I grew up with. (Wonder why "J-Lo" the angel wasn't chosen to visit the shepherds that night?)

Three wise guys

There's also the ceremonial hanging of the stockings. I always thought stockings were supposed to resemble leg/foot stockings, but I guess they can also resemble stocking caps.

Not only did I get my own stocking, but one of my gifts Christmas morning was my own "monster" (mine's on the left). I asked Katie what the story is behind these creepy, cuddly creatures that my mother in-law sews and didn't get much of an answer, but let's put it this way: if monsters had a Facebook page, I'd totally "like."

Our gift to Mom was a Conagra Foods apron. If you don't know why this is hilarious, you can feel for Michael Scott. (My apologies for the clip. The sound bite doesn't come until the last few seconds)

I learned a couple new games: Quiddler and Kubb. Highly recommend both. Still don't know how I got killed both times playing Quiddler. We also tried our hand at one of the Minute to Win It classics ....

Now not every day was filled with skin-covered oreos, frozen custard, wild animals and 14-pound balls, much to my father in-law's dismay. But an afternoon at home spent largely in front of the television isn't a bad way to use a vacation day either. Especially when you can watch this .....